Why 28 Haunted Days, Netflix’s Paranormal Reality Show, Is A Cry – Reality Is Blurry

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To try to find out if Netflix is 28 haunted days was a paranormal reality show or just a poorly scripted parody of a fake paranormal reality show – not that there’s a distance between these things – I started watching the first episode.

I noticed it because I was trying to find out if The mole is on Netflix’s Top 10 list today; it is not, alas, while this show is.

In the first moments, 28 haunted daysThe narrator of Us tells three teams of investigators to hang out in “haunted places” (there’s no doubt they’re haunted, of course), all of which have “dark stories” and “increasing hauntings.” aggressive”. You know, the kind of violence that Fox News focuses on every day: the fake one.

The narrator says that “if the investigators can find a way to persevere and withstand the full 28 days…”

This is where I expect him to say something like, They will win $100,000. OK, wait, too bad, it’s netflix. They will win $10,000.

But it turns out that skipping the full 28 days will do something else:

“…it is believed that the barrier between the living and the dead will become virtually non-existent and the secrets of the place will be revealed.”

That’s all? I hope Netflix has good insurance.

Since ghosts aren’t currently swirling around my neighborhood, I’m sure all three teams failed, or maybe deployed the ultimate protection – the cover words (“believed”, “virtually” ).

The thought of a reality TV show intentionally opening not one but three portals to the afterlife made me laugh out loud, so I pulled out my laptop and started taking diligent notes.

On the one hand, it’s the kind of show where crackles and flickering lights become evidence of angry ghosts, rather than, you know, flickering lights and crackles. The noises become coherent words, in the same way that the words spoken by my cat can only be understood by me, a professional trained in the art of bullshit.

The, uh, investigators, and I don’t like to use that word because I don’t want the real investigators to get mad at me, use “high-tech equipment,” according to the narrator.

This means they use equipment that just doesn’t workor picks up normal signals such as wiring and cell phone towers, and combines that with methods which are, of course, total pseudoscience absurdity.

Somehow Jenny McCarthy isn’t involved with this show, and of course mentioning her means I should mention you can get your free bivalent booster now.

Back to some really fun stuff: While the Travel Channel’s paranormal shows attempt to build suspense out of absolutely nothing happening, Netflix seems to be going for raw comedy here. (Tangente: How come the Travel Channel still hasn’t changed its name to something like Ghost Channel?)

In the preview of 28 haunted days, an “investigator” literally rips his shirt off to go, uh, go after a ghost or something. Alas, that doesn’t happen in the first episode, so I don’t know what’s going on, because even though I love comedy, I can’t stand laughing so much in a year.

To give all this generic content some name recognition, it’s Ed and Lorraine Warren related, mostly because Lorraine Warren’s son-in-law, Tony Spera, is watching from a room with monitors with “paranormal journalist” Aaron Sagers.

Tony tells us that “ghosts find out about investigators” and maybe trying to figure out how they can swing some of that sweet, sweet Netflix money, because Hades knows the Travel Channel doesn’t give them allowances for having to bear clowns banging around their spaces.

The first night, Aaron tells us, “I’ve seen investigations where little or no activity takes place, or investigations where the investigators can’t even survive the whole night.

While I was supporting the latter, because I had never seen a ghost bloodbath before, it didn’t happen. But a lot of fun things did, so join me in highlighting the best of it. If you choose to watch this for yourself, can I recommend subtitles for additional comedy, like “[garbled static]”?

Lumber Baron Inn in Denver

The Hollywood Tower Hotel at Walt Disney World which I can confirm is haunted because I checked in and then ghosts let the elevator down and it was pretty scary
The Hollywood Tower Hotel at Walt Disney World which I can confirm is haunted because I checked in and then ghosts let down the elevator and it was pretty scary. (Picture by Brian McGowan/Unsplash)

Before the three investigators from the Lumber Baron Inn in Denver even go inside, Amy – who is identified onscreen as “Amy Sensitive”, which I first thought was her name – said: “There’s like a really heavy feeling, because it’s pulling my stomach, which usually indicates that there’s some type of male that’s here.

It’s funny, when I feel a male presence, it usually draws me somewhere else.

Amy also says,

With my sentient abilities, I’m much more prone to spiritual attacks. Being here for, you know, such a long period of time and having, you know, potentially dark forces trying to overtake me, I mean, it can be really dangerous.

I didn’t think I would be okay with anyone on this show, but Amy is absolutely right, because I live in Florida, where the dark force of ron desantis overtook us.

Shane tells us that “anything that can’t be easily explained by science, that’s where I come in”, which is perhaps the most truthful thing in the whole series.

Ray, who works with Shane, tells us, “Shane is a born leader, and he’s a great wingman to have in any haunted location. I guess in case a ghost wants to shoot you?

The narrator tells us that “the ghosts of several women, afflicted or sometimes disfigured, are seen wandering the halls of the second floor”.

I immediately went to see the Wood Baron’s Inn website to see if these parts come with defaced phantoms, or if this is an add-on.

The room where Amy thinks someone is dead, because she sees “a vision of a woman with blood running down her face”, is called the Valentine’s Day Suite, starts at $239 a night and only mentions its “updated and modern shower.” I’d bet they can get at least $339 a night if they mention the disfigured ghosts in the hallway.

During the first night, leaving science behind, Shane enters a chamber, where the narrator says he will “use sensory deprivation equipment to mimic psychic abilities”. He uses “the Estes method”, sitting on a bed, listening to radio frequencies while wearing a blindfold.

He suddenly said, “I am dead. To help. Help me. I killed them,” which I promise is funny. Just go back and read it in the same flat tone of voice your GPS uses to say, “You’ve arrived at your destination.”

In an interview, Shane said, “Now I’m ready to fight a dark entity, but to do so without knowing how powerful it is, or exactly what it is, would just be foolish at this point.”

Yes, I always make sure to research my Dark Entities in my Big Book of Baddies before engaging in battle with them. I also put on my black entity shield, which I called my cover.

They leave this room and return to the Valentine suite, where Amy is trying to contact the dead woman. Shane asks him, “Who sees?” and the ghost replies, “Fuck you”. LOL I love this ghost.

Madison Dry Goods Country Store and Museum in North Carolina

A ghost in coffee foam, not a ghost in Netflix's 28 Days Haunted
See! A ghost! I see one! To finish! Toa Heftiba/Unsplash)

Only two investigators go to the Dry Goods Country Store, which is weird because they welcome tourist buses, so clearly they have a lot of space. One of them looks like this:

“My name is Jereme Leonard and by day I am a professional firefighter. At night, I am a demonologist.

His line reading is so perfect that I bought him.

The narrator tells us that “Brandy and Jereme are starting to plan their first nighttime investigation,” and then we see a very real computer screen, on which there’s an export dialog that says, “Save Video on the computer,” like these screens do. The box I’m typing says Type words on the computer.

Anyway, Jereme exports a video, but has MP3 selected (JEREME!), and he types in the “Title” box a name for the file, for which he chooses – and I swear I’m not making this up – “VIDEO”. He starts typing “LO”, which could mean he was going for “VIDEO LOG” or maybe “VIDEO LOL LOL LOL LOL”

For the record, the computer will save it in C:UsersghostVideosMovie Library HOLY SHIT IT’S THE GHOST’S COMPUTER!!!

Jeremy says, like we do, “So tonight, Brandy, I’m going to put you in a coffin.” RUN BRANDY RUN

Instead, she rests in a coffin while he pretends she’s dead, and Jereme says, “As we gather here today to celebrate Brandy’s life…” Sadly, no one has come. reunited, unless you count the ghosts, and I don’t because I still haven’t seen a single fucking ghost.

“There are children next to me right now,” she said from the coffin. “Something just touched the top of my head, Jeremy.” That’s where the episode ends, and while Netflix is ​​generally great at cliffhangers that make me want to watch the next episode, it’s not.

But because the episode skips, we have another place to visit.

Captain Grant’s Inn in Connecticut

The third location is Captain Grant’s Innwhich was also featured on Travel Channel Portals to Hell with Jack Osbourne, even though 28 haunted days promised us these are rarely explored haunted places, and now I want a refund.

“It’s a funny wallpaper,” says one of the three interviewers, and another responds, “I don’t like this hallway.”

I assumed they were going to start renovating, but that’s a different cable show.

They enter the attic, where a man named Nick says, “Yeah, that’s a hot attic,” as if there were other types of unfinished attics.

Nick also says, “There are definitely spirits dying for help here,” which was the biggest news for me, that spirits can die. I knew I was dying of laughter at all this nonsense, so thanks to Netflix and 28 haunted days for that.

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